My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
