My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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