Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
