Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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