that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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