Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
