Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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