"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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