Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
