im having a threesome with these popsicles
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
