No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
