im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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