Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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