Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
