I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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