How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my shit smells like andre
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
