I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
