So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You made out with two different species that night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
