Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
bring money and cleavage
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
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Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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