my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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