I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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