This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
