apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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