someone threw a dead crab at me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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