Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
