His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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