So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
