I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
