girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
