Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
