It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
