Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
