I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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