After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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