Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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