help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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