Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
