just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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