saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
