Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I am one with the molecules
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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