my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
