Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
