Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
