I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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