Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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