Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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