One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
