some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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