Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm getting married
To pizza
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
