I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What drink are we having for lunch?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
