okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
