The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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