yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
