hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
