I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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