The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just pee around me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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