U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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