I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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