what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
