did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
