I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
