Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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