too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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