Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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