when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
