there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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