Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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