Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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