my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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