I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
