piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
