420 ftw
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
