Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
