im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
