Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize