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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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