Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
