she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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