11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
