I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This baby is an asshole
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
